I can’t imagine what that pain was like. I mean I really cannot. But FFS man why did you have to make the story so funny? And if you weren’t trying to make it funny, then I’m going to hell. It’s just your tone.
I vote you and Shane analyse THIS article. No pun intended.
I love reading these pieces because I have the privilege to experience you processing your experiences in real-time, then witness the art that comes out after. This was another really good one.
I found myself wondering about the utility of resisting vulnerability. I suspect it holds a clue to why it is so hard for men to "go there" or allow ourselves to be penetrated in all the ways.
There's usefulness and good intention to those parts of us that protect us from being deeply seen in our weakness and vulnerability. Many of us grew up with important caregiving figures who exploited our softness, often in abusive or violent ways. We've all experienced forms of betrayal. It seems wise to have some form of mechanism that keeps us from just jumping into situations where we could be betrayed or exploited again.
Men especially have some deep wiring around being useful to others, often in physical ways. So, physical vulnerability can be a real show-stopper when attempting to express that usefulness.
Knowing all of this, it should be note-worthy to anyone of any gender or identity orientation when a man shows up and shows you his wounds. It's a very good thing, a sign of trust. It doesn't mean push the envelope of that trust - it means appreciate it, value it, and carry no expectation that it happens again. That's the surest way to make sure it can.
Thank you, JJ. Between this comment and the personal message you sent me on this, I may be sashaying into a counter piece. I can remember being too vulnerable as a younger man and what backlash came from that.
There is something to be explored about the value of wisdom applied to vulnerability.
In this case, though, it's interesting that the resistance arose from some unknown (possibly unknowable) place. It didn't feel like an act of agency from me. It was just heels dug, and I was noping the fuck outta what came. I also kept thinking I was just around the corner from freedom. That held position was maddening and riddled with resistance.
Wow! As a woman who has struggled with rectal prolapse and other issues, I can tell you I felt you through this essay. I'm glad you had the courage to share your experience! You're doing something I feel is rare for men to do. Much appreciation ✨
Damon, as you know, you wouldn't wish that surgery on your worst enemy! Extremely painful doesn't even justify it. Glad you took the time to write this. You are by far, not alone, but most would not be able to be this vulnerable. I hope you are doing better. Love you ❤️.
It’s great that you could find humor in such a horrendous situation……I’m so happy that the majority of the discomfort is behind you….pun intended. I love that you’re willing to be vulnerable and share this story with the world…..I know someone needed to hear it. I just hope it wasn’t me.
I'm glad you shared this flavour of tea. We could all be a little more real and not in the "today I felt nervous way" but "last week I did something that took me 4 days to actually dare write about". I hope you're recovering, from the original the sympathy injuries!
I only disagree that I do think it's possible to have lived prior to seeing a jar of melon-ball-shaped chunks of one's own meat.
Ballsy title and an absolute freight train of an intro. I was engrossed in this throughout.
I'm glad Adam already broached the comedy topic because I'd otherwise have been too ashamed to admit that I found parts of this hilarious. Conversely, this sounds brutal in a way I can't even begin to imagine.
It dawned on me having read this that we're all quick to partake in a dick measuring contest surrounding how much discomfort we can tolerate right up until it involves any form of vulnerability. Myself included. You've given me something to chew on.
Massive respect for sharing this, Damon. I hope you're back with the guys for Taco Tuesday in the near future.
I certainly hope so. This is what I've been telling myself all along. I'm getting healthier. This is all about me coming into a season of better health.
Man, it was brutal, and the really sad part is he suffered silently. He didn't even tell my mother.
You talked about the shame throughout.
He waited for YEARS with worsening symptoms rather than see a doc. Then he minimized the pain by refusing to ask for help during recovery, and didn't follow post-op instructions because it was embarrassing. Trinidad is a tiny place where everyone knows your business.
Your vulnerability here might save someone's life, Damon. Literally.
Rectal bleeding that's dismissed as 'just hemorrhoids' can mask colon cancer.
You have my respect Damon - you always had but this one was different.
We can totally hug. Thank you for the support. I am still unsure about this missive, but can't take it back now.
The shame is exactly the thing. We'd be wise to see shame as a signal to slow down and take action. The body is telling us something when shame is present. We think the message is "hide," but that's just wrong.
I can’t imagine what that pain was like. I mean I really cannot. But FFS man why did you have to make the story so funny? And if you weren’t trying to make it funny, then I’m going to hell. It’s just your tone.
I vote you and Shane analyse THIS article. No pun intended.
But really, get well soon man. My best wishes.
Gallows humor is my jam, brother. Glad you enjoyed it, even if it made you squirm a little.
I’m down to talk about anything with Shane, always.
I love reading these pieces because I have the privilege to experience you processing your experiences in real-time, then witness the art that comes out after. This was another really good one.
I found myself wondering about the utility of resisting vulnerability. I suspect it holds a clue to why it is so hard for men to "go there" or allow ourselves to be penetrated in all the ways.
There's usefulness and good intention to those parts of us that protect us from being deeply seen in our weakness and vulnerability. Many of us grew up with important caregiving figures who exploited our softness, often in abusive or violent ways. We've all experienced forms of betrayal. It seems wise to have some form of mechanism that keeps us from just jumping into situations where we could be betrayed or exploited again.
Men especially have some deep wiring around being useful to others, often in physical ways. So, physical vulnerability can be a real show-stopper when attempting to express that usefulness.
Knowing all of this, it should be note-worthy to anyone of any gender or identity orientation when a man shows up and shows you his wounds. It's a very good thing, a sign of trust. It doesn't mean push the envelope of that trust - it means appreciate it, value it, and carry no expectation that it happens again. That's the surest way to make sure it can.
Thank you, JJ. Between this comment and the personal message you sent me on this, I may be sashaying into a counter piece. I can remember being too vulnerable as a younger man and what backlash came from that.
There is something to be explored about the value of wisdom applied to vulnerability.
In this case, though, it's interesting that the resistance arose from some unknown (possibly unknowable) place. It didn't feel like an act of agency from me. It was just heels dug, and I was noping the fuck outta what came. I also kept thinking I was just around the corner from freedom. That held position was maddening and riddled with resistance.
Makes me curious about what it's like to love the resistance, too.
How dare you, sir.
Wow! As a woman who has struggled with rectal prolapse and other issues, I can tell you I felt you through this essay. I'm glad you had the courage to share your experience! You're doing something I feel is rare for men to do. Much appreciation ✨
Thank you, Jessica, for being here and for contributing a verse.
It has certainly been an adventure, one I’m still on frankly.
Damon, as you know, you wouldn't wish that surgery on your worst enemy! Extremely painful doesn't even justify it. Glad you took the time to write this. You are by far, not alone, but most would not be able to be this vulnerable. I hope you are doing better. Love you ❤️.
Appreciate you being here, for reading this essay, and for contributing.
Thanks, sis. Love you too.
It’s great that you could find humor in such a horrendous situation……I’m so happy that the majority of the discomfort is behind you….pun intended. I love that you’re willing to be vulnerable and share this story with the world…..I know someone needed to hear it. I just hope it wasn’t me.
I'm glad you shared this flavour of tea. We could all be a little more real and not in the "today I felt nervous way" but "last week I did something that took me 4 days to actually dare write about". I hope you're recovering, from the original the sympathy injuries!
I only disagree that I do think it's possible to have lived prior to seeing a jar of melon-ball-shaped chunks of one's own meat.
May you never know, Nadine.
🫶
I’m glad you over came whatever vulnerability fear and self doubt you had to share this. Damn what a brutal experience- I hope you feel better soon 🙏🏻
Thank you, Maureen. I'm on my way out of this mess, but it definitely bucked me for a minute.
Ballsy title and an absolute freight train of an intro. I was engrossed in this throughout.
I'm glad Adam already broached the comedy topic because I'd otherwise have been too ashamed to admit that I found parts of this hilarious. Conversely, this sounds brutal in a way I can't even begin to imagine.
It dawned on me having read this that we're all quick to partake in a dick measuring contest surrounding how much discomfort we can tolerate right up until it involves any form of vulnerability. Myself included. You've given me something to chew on.
Massive respect for sharing this, Damon. I hope you're back with the guys for Taco Tuesday in the near future.
Appreciate this, Shane. Don’t feel bad. I intended to make awkward jokes. That’s my jam. It’s how I cope.
Yeah, as the old adage goes, all dudes are super tough until we dive into their respective anuses.
Good share buddy! It takes guts to tell your story....keep growing and continue sharing. To me, at least, its inspirational about being a REAL man!
Thank you, brother. Means a lot to hear from you on this.
I have hemorrhoids.
I've changed my diet to some degree and learned better habits and it makes a difference.
I feel you on how hard it is to share this. Even writing this comment and sharing it as a note is hard.
We have such weird relationships with not just being vulnerable but expressing the reality of having a body and the challenges that come as we age.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Taylor, for reading, for commenting, and for being brave enough to share.
For sure, the weirdness about our bodies is something to investigate.
Well… that was revealing.
Vulnerability sucks. My whole life I’ve felt that talking about failure, mistakes, falling short of male standards was a path not to be tread.
Sorry this was worse than I realized. I knew you’d been through tough times, but geez, I didn’t think it was this bad.
Glad you got this “on to paper” though. We men need to hear more men talking about our most difficult issues.
It’s healthy.
I certainly hope so. This is what I've been telling myself all along. I'm getting healthier. This is all about me coming into a season of better health.
Thanks for being here, Richard.
I saw my dad go through this when I was 15 or 16.
Man, it was brutal, and the really sad part is he suffered silently. He didn't even tell my mother.
You talked about the shame throughout.
He waited for YEARS with worsening symptoms rather than see a doc. Then he minimized the pain by refusing to ask for help during recovery, and didn't follow post-op instructions because it was embarrassing. Trinidad is a tiny place where everyone knows your business.
Your vulnerability here might save someone's life, Damon. Literally.
Rectal bleeding that's dismissed as 'just hemorrhoids' can mask colon cancer.
You have my respect Damon - you always had but this one was different.
Can we hug? 🤗
We can totally hug. Thank you for the support. I am still unsure about this missive, but can't take it back now.
The shame is exactly the thing. We'd be wise to see shame as a signal to slow down and take action. The body is telling us something when shame is present. We think the message is "hide," but that's just wrong.