I like to say that Parts are like little "mini-me" personalities inside of us. When we treat them like kids who just need to be seen, heard, and valued for being exactly as they are, they tend to show up less agitated and concerned in moments where they get triggered.
It's all Parts, all the way down, and they need love just as much as we do.
Funny, I just said as much in the comment from @Richard DAmbrosio. Kids is probably usually correct. I used the term “adult children," but same neighborhood.
This question is interesting to me for two reasons.
It raises the question of who is this “Me,” contextually? (The part thinks that it, the part, is Damon, but the truth is that what is Me is a far more complicated answer than one thing.)
What’s the wisest way to speak to our parts?
This second question is best answered by how one tends to view parts.
For me, parts are fragments of the Damon project, created by the brain to protect the overall project by unique means.
It varies by part, but they are all generally invested in the well-being of the person. That doesn’t mean they get it right, BTW. Many of them are more like adult children than adults. They seem grown, until they don’t.
In oversimplified terms, parts are like people in one important way: They want to feel seen, recognized, and loved for what they do.
And, like people, they don’t prefer a change agenda. Anything that smells like “I’m trying to change you” results in fighting back.
Put protector parts in a corner? And they’ll come out swinging, even if one is being very clever.
So your question is worth asking at some point in an exchange with this part if the proper steps to make the part feel seen and appreciated have been made. It could be a very interesting turn in the dialogue, one I would trust my coach to make in the moment.
Wow. Here I was expecting something like: "I think that part of me is questioning my competency at...."
Not to say that this answer isn't extremely intriguing, and from what I gather reading it, is psychologically accurate. Most of us are not ONE part. We're rarely even dominated by 2-3 parts, and those parts exchange prominence over a day, week, years of our lifetime.
I think I understand what you are saying here, and once again, think this deserves a deeper exploration in another conversation.
The literature on parts, which I've resisted mostly until recently, claims that we have as many as 50 parts at any given point. Thankfully, most of them are quietly benign and functional, but—as the philosophy goes—none are "bad."
As far as what I think about that part, that statement would only be another part of me opining on the Tyrant. In the parts work I do, we access parts from presence.
We know presence because of how it shows up. The qualities of presence are states like... love, trust, value, peace, and curiosity. Presence, as I understand it, does not have thoughts or feelings in the way I tend to feel like I do.
You're surfacing some great questions, Richard. Thank you.
Thank you for saying Fucking parts. and yes protector parts will never stand down as long as they are being told that “doing their job” is not ok. And let’s be honest they didn’t get good at their job by accident - they got us out of childhood mostly intact. Hope the table is ok 🫣
For sure. What I tend to see before working with protector parts is all the hornets those parts kicks up. I mean, it’s true. They don’t often work in isolation, with no side effects. But…
What I’m discovering the more I work with protector parts is the unrecognized partner I always had, toiling to keep the whole Damon project safe.
And like people, parts like to feel recognized and appreciated for all their discretionary, hard work.
All the talk about "being vulnerable" and " sharing your vulnerabilities" doesn't quite ring right. That's for sure what an adversary would like you to do. Who you share your vulnerabilities with is a tactical decision. And we want to be careful about "burdening" people with our issues -- also a tactical decision. But, in terms of self assessment, "recognize your vulnerabilities" or "understand your vulnerabilities and where they come from" -- or "give yourself a break and don't punish yourself for having vulnerabilities" -- or "compare notes with close friends about what makes you feel vulnerable" -- that makes all the sense in the world. In the spirit of full disclosure, I freak out a lot especially when I drink espresso
We contain multitudes, Whitman said. I appreciate your way of noticing the parts, and listening.
Thank you for that. What I’ve found, the more I do this work, is that I see (and see) the more is to find. That’s true both in me and in others.
To the extent we don’t do this work, and by no fault of our own, we suffer for it commensurately.
The hard part is that I’m nobody’s evangelist.
I like to say that Parts are like little "mini-me" personalities inside of us. When we treat them like kids who just need to be seen, heard, and valued for being exactly as they are, they tend to show up less agitated and concerned in moments where they get triggered.
It's all Parts, all the way down, and they need love just as much as we do.
Love you, brother. Thank you for this offering.
Funny, I just said as much in the comment from @Richard DAmbrosio. Kids is probably usually correct. I used the term “adult children," but same neighborhood.
Noice
Is that a Beastie Boys quote?
Probably😉
I wonder what your Tyrant would say if asked: “What is it you get out of the way you act and speak to me?”
This question is interesting to me for two reasons.
It raises the question of who is this “Me,” contextually? (The part thinks that it, the part, is Damon, but the truth is that what is Me is a far more complicated answer than one thing.)
What’s the wisest way to speak to our parts?
This second question is best answered by how one tends to view parts.
For me, parts are fragments of the Damon project, created by the brain to protect the overall project by unique means.
It varies by part, but they are all generally invested in the well-being of the person. That doesn’t mean they get it right, BTW. Many of them are more like adult children than adults. They seem grown, until they don’t.
In oversimplified terms, parts are like people in one important way: They want to feel seen, recognized, and loved for what they do.
And, like people, they don’t prefer a change agenda. Anything that smells like “I’m trying to change you” results in fighting back.
Put protector parts in a corner? And they’ll come out swinging, even if one is being very clever.
So your question is worth asking at some point in an exchange with this part if the proper steps to make the part feel seen and appreciated have been made. It could be a very interesting turn in the dialogue, one I would trust my coach to make in the moment.
Wow. Here I was expecting something like: "I think that part of me is questioning my competency at...."
Not to say that this answer isn't extremely intriguing, and from what I gather reading it, is psychologically accurate. Most of us are not ONE part. We're rarely even dominated by 2-3 parts, and those parts exchange prominence over a day, week, years of our lifetime.
I think I understand what you are saying here, and once again, think this deserves a deeper exploration in another conversation.
The literature on parts, which I've resisted mostly until recently, claims that we have as many as 50 parts at any given point. Thankfully, most of them are quietly benign and functional, but—as the philosophy goes—none are "bad."
As far as what I think about that part, that statement would only be another part of me opining on the Tyrant. In the parts work I do, we access parts from presence.
We know presence because of how it shows up. The qualities of presence are states like... love, trust, value, peace, and curiosity. Presence, as I understand it, does not have thoughts or feelings in the way I tend to feel like I do.
You're surfacing some great questions, Richard. Thank you.
Namaste brother 🙏🏻
Thank you for saying Fucking parts. and yes protector parts will never stand down as long as they are being told that “doing their job” is not ok. And let’s be honest they didn’t get good at their job by accident - they got us out of childhood mostly intact. Hope the table is ok 🫣
For sure. What I tend to see before working with protector parts is all the hornets those parts kicks up. I mean, it’s true. They don’t often work in isolation, with no side effects. But…
What I’m discovering the more I work with protector parts is the unrecognized partner I always had, toiling to keep the whole Damon project safe.
And like people, parts like to feel recognized and appreciated for all their discretionary, hard work.
All the talk about "being vulnerable" and " sharing your vulnerabilities" doesn't quite ring right. That's for sure what an adversary would like you to do. Who you share your vulnerabilities with is a tactical decision. And we want to be careful about "burdening" people with our issues -- also a tactical decision. But, in terms of self assessment, "recognize your vulnerabilities" or "understand your vulnerabilities and where they come from" -- or "give yourself a break and don't punish yourself for having vulnerabilities" -- or "compare notes with close friends about what makes you feel vulnerable" -- that makes all the sense in the world. In the spirit of full disclosure, I freak out a lot especially when I drink espresso
Espresso can do that to me too, brother. So can realizing I’ve stepped into the light of vulnerability unknowingly.
Thanks for being here.