This got me wondering, Damon, and it's a question I ponder often given all my interests and career avenues: Does it need to be a choice, or can it be a "yes, and"?
Good read. As i have gotten older and more mature, I fould i actually enjoy the interaction of asking for help...or directions on rare occasions. No matter how old you are, we still have so much to learn. Wisdom comes with age and i enjoy learning from those whom may know more than me or at the least something new I didn't know. It definitely was not always that way.
Maturity sounds nice. Sometimes I think I’m just getting older. 😆
That’s how it mostly feels, at least.
Jokes aside, I do find I’m far less attached to many aspects of life that seemed so important to me as a younger man, like saving face or being right. It’s easy to imagine that asking for directions would be easier now.
Don’t know if it would help me find peace with this everlasting liminal space I seem to live in.
This sounds to me like the musings of a man who is becoming more and more attuned with his inner compass while parts of himself are grappling with the potential consequences of following it.
Like, for example, working one to one around wisdom instead of knowledge.
I think it's easy to assume that the aligned path forward is going to be harder. I wonder if those parts that assume this are the same parts that assume it's easier to be lost than ask for directions.
I firmly believe that nobody wants coaching. Not anymore, and maybe not ever.
Many people, however, need guidance. Not guidance toward the path already taken. Guidance toward what is true for them when the loud voices of a protective ego are drowning the signal of truth.
This is not an endeavor that can be done alone, not in the day to day of house-holder life. We need someone to hold space for us, witness our truth, and attune to us so we can make better distinctions between what's true and what's a story created in the past that's a poor match for the present.
Therefore, guides are needed.
I think us guides have to be willing to let ourselves be guided first, ask for directions from a guide who has already walked down a road less traveled.
Hopefully that guide will have the courage to then ask, "Are you sure that's where you want to go?"
On the parts, you’re probably right. I’m okay not knowing.
And to your point about coaching. Not only am I sure nobody ever wanted it, I’ll claim that nobody ever knew what it was, other than self-ascribed coaches operating from their particular orthodoxies.
It’s funny you mention guide. For years, I’ve claimed that “guiding” is not what I do, speaking of orthodoxy. It seems I could spend some time with that claim.
Really related to this one today Damon, particularly learning to tolerate feeling lost and disoriented as it seems to be a persistent one these days. Thanks for the post.
In my 60s, I am finding how self-definition and self-regulation are so important. And so elusive. I want my "outcome" to be in the direction of my principles and integrity. When I tend my nervous system well, I align better with that direction. It's the "you can take the first step even if you cannot see the top of the staircase" wisdom that I keep learning.
Yeah, I like this metaphor, @Hans Jorgensen. Thank you for that. I’ve been singing the between two shores version, but I like the ascent that stairs affords this puzzle. I also like your touchstone, how any decision hits your CNS.
I laughed at the veterinarian callback, but I get it Damon.
There are easier versions of almost every life we could have chosen.
Yesterday I told a friend I want to be a nobody in the next chapter. No leadership - no managing people. Keep it simple. I have always led a minimalistic personal life which didn't match my professional one. They were always at odds with each other. I knew this day was coming when it would break. At this point, I think I’m finally getting comfortable with the idea that not knowing exactly where I’m going doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lost.
And I suspect the older I get, the less interested I am in choosing the path that looks easiest to explain to other people.
I shared this in response to another Substacker today, but it’s worth resharing. It’s this metaphor of being on a ship between two shores.
The context is from coaching, where it illustrates what we’re often navigating with our clients, but it’s really the right fit for all of our lives, all of the time.
We’re never really arriving, even when we literally arrive somewhere. Surrendering this is something that requires some sailing experience, to borrow my own metaphor.
There's also the question of what comes after arriving at the shore? Immigration? Customs? The taxi? Are one's accommodations the true point of arrival, a hotel or Airbnb? Is the pillow of the bed the true point of arrival? Is REM or SWS sleep the true arrival? Maybe it's something that unfolds within the dream space, like a dream where one is on ship en route someplace...
This got me wondering, Damon, and it's a question I ponder often given all my interests and career avenues: Does it need to be a choice, or can it be a "yes, and"?
Love it. Of course it can be that. It often is.
Thank you for being here, Caron.
Good read. As i have gotten older and more mature, I fould i actually enjoy the interaction of asking for help...or directions on rare occasions. No matter how old you are, we still have so much to learn. Wisdom comes with age and i enjoy learning from those whom may know more than me or at the least something new I didn't know. It definitely was not always that way.
Maturity sounds nice. Sometimes I think I’m just getting older. 😆
That’s how it mostly feels, at least.
Jokes aside, I do find I’m far less attached to many aspects of life that seemed so important to me as a younger man, like saving face or being right. It’s easy to imagine that asking for directions would be easier now.
Don’t know if it would help me find peace with this everlasting liminal space I seem to live in.
Cheers for being here, brother.
This sounds to me like the musings of a man who is becoming more and more attuned with his inner compass while parts of himself are grappling with the potential consequences of following it.
Like, for example, working one to one around wisdom instead of knowledge.
I think it's easy to assume that the aligned path forward is going to be harder. I wonder if those parts that assume this are the same parts that assume it's easier to be lost than ask for directions.
I firmly believe that nobody wants coaching. Not anymore, and maybe not ever.
Many people, however, need guidance. Not guidance toward the path already taken. Guidance toward what is true for them when the loud voices of a protective ego are drowning the signal of truth.
This is not an endeavor that can be done alone, not in the day to day of house-holder life. We need someone to hold space for us, witness our truth, and attune to us so we can make better distinctions between what's true and what's a story created in the past that's a poor match for the present.
Therefore, guides are needed.
I think us guides have to be willing to let ourselves be guided first, ask for directions from a guide who has already walked down a road less traveled.
Hopefully that guide will have the courage to then ask, "Are you sure that's where you want to go?"
Then an adventure can begin. Even a quest.
Thanks for the read, brother. Keep going.
Thanks, JJ.
On the parts, you’re probably right. I’m okay not knowing.
And to your point about coaching. Not only am I sure nobody ever wanted it, I’ll claim that nobody ever knew what it was, other than self-ascribed coaches operating from their particular orthodoxies.
It’s funny you mention guide. For years, I’ve claimed that “guiding” is not what I do, speaking of orthodoxy. It seems I could spend some time with that claim.
Again, thank you for being here.
Really related to this one today Damon, particularly learning to tolerate feeling lost and disoriented as it seems to be a persistent one these days. Thanks for the post.
Cheers for the note, and reflection. I try to hold any claims I make lightly, but I’ll admit I find resonance validating.
Thank you for being here.
In my 60s, I am finding how self-definition and self-regulation are so important. And so elusive. I want my "outcome" to be in the direction of my principles and integrity. When I tend my nervous system well, I align better with that direction. It's the "you can take the first step even if you cannot see the top of the staircase" wisdom that I keep learning.
Yeah, I like this metaphor, @Hans Jorgensen. Thank you for that. I’ve been singing the between two shores version, but I like the ascent that stairs affords this puzzle. I also like your touchstone, how any decision hits your CNS.
Thanks for being here, brother.
I laughed at the veterinarian callback, but I get it Damon.
There are easier versions of almost every life we could have chosen.
Yesterday I told a friend I want to be a nobody in the next chapter. No leadership - no managing people. Keep it simple. I have always led a minimalistic personal life which didn't match my professional one. They were always at odds with each other. I knew this day was coming when it would break. At this point, I think I’m finally getting comfortable with the idea that not knowing exactly where I’m going doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lost.
And I suspect the older I get, the less interested I am in choosing the path that looks easiest to explain to other people.
Certainly resonates for this aging human.
I shared this in response to another Substacker today, but it’s worth resharing. It’s this metaphor of being on a ship between two shores.
The context is from coaching, where it illustrates what we’re often navigating with our clients, but it’s really the right fit for all of our lives, all of the time.
We’re never really arriving, even when we literally arrive somewhere. Surrendering this is something that requires some sailing experience, to borrow my own metaphor.
I really like this, Damon. The older I get, the less convinced I am that 'arrival" is even a real thing.
You reach one shore, stand there for five minutes, and immediately start wondering what is across the other side.
Happy Thursday to you.
For sure that.
There's also the question of what comes after arriving at the shore? Immigration? Customs? The taxi? Are one's accommodations the true point of arrival, a hotel or Airbnb? Is the pillow of the bed the true point of arrival? Is REM or SWS sleep the true arrival? Maybe it's something that unfolds within the dream space, like a dream where one is on ship en route someplace...
I'm sorta being silly, but not really.